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official source: Sarkar's Short Stories Part 1

cross-references: none

this version: is the printed Sarkar's Short Stories Part 1, 1st edition, version  	(spelling mistakes only may have been corrected). I.e., this is the most  	up-to-date version as of the present Electronic Edition.

      Once there was a Bengali landowner who had a nephew by the name of Lota. The landowner was a proud man, and would go to any extent to prove his nobility to the world. One of his favourite techniques was to speak to his nephew in a mixture of Urdu and Bengali. He would often say, "Kha'ike pa'ni la'ike ja'bina'", which means, won't you fetch some water ? Of course, he would only do this when there was someone within earshot.

      The landowner had learnt his few Urdu words during a trip to Lucknow, in western India. He also picked up some of the manners and customs of Urdu speakers. Before returning home he extended an invitation to the Nawab of Lucknow to visit Bengal, just to be polite. He never thought the Nawab would one day honour the invitation.

      Imagine his dilemma, then, when some time later he received a message from the Nawab that he intended to visit Bengal. He immediately called his nephew. "Lota, my lumbago is really bad these days and I don't think I'll be able to go to the station to receive the Nawab. Could you go for me?"

      "If that's your wish, uncle," replied Lota, "I'll be happy to oblige. But, you know, I don't speak Urdu so how can I receive him properly?"

      "Well, you don't have to learn the entire Urdu language," said the landowner. "All you have to do is add a few Urdu words to the end of your Bengali sentences. That'll sound just like Urdu."

      "But I'm not familiar with the manners and etiquette of Urdu speaking people. Can you please teach me something now?" asked Lota.

	"Whenever you address an Urdu speaking gentleman," said the landowner, "be extremely humble and make him feel important. If he asks you how many princes you have you should reply courteous ly, `Your Majesty, your servant has a mere three wretches.' Do you understand ?"

      "It's crystal clear," said Lota.

      Lota went to the station to receive the Nawab, who was called Malex Ulmul Nawab Us-shak-Ishakh Bahadur. In a first class apartment he spotted a gentleman dressed in gorgeous clothes and immediately concluded that he was the Nawab. "Are you His Excellency, the Nawab of Lucknow ?" he asked in polite Urdu.

	The Nawab replied, equally politely, "No sir, I am not His Excellency the Nawab."

      "Then may I know who you are?" asked Lota.

	The Nawab replied, "Man kha'k man kha'k, mera' na'm Ishak- I am as insignificant as the dust on your feet. My name is Iishak."

      Lota was overwhelmed by the Nawab's modest yet poetic intro duction. It was now his turn to show his mastery of Urdu language and etiquette.

	"Who are you, sir ?" the Nawab asked Lota. "May I conclude you are the nephew of the respected landowner ?"

      "No, Your Excellency, I'm not the nephew of any landowner," said Lota, remembering his uncle's lesson.

      "Then who are you, sir?" asked the Nawab.

      Lota replied, "Mei chotta, mei chotta, mera' na'm Lota. I'm a cheat, I'm a cheat, and my name is Lota."

      The Nawab had no further doubts about the aristocratic Urdu ancestry of the landowner and his family.