GHOST IN-LAWS

official source: Sarkar's Short Stories Part 1

cross-references: none

this version: is the printed Sarkar's Short Stories Part 1, 1st edition, version 
	(spelling mistakes only may have been corrected). I.e., this is the most 
	up-to-date version as of the present Electronic Edition.

      Once there was a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law who used to quarrel fifty-eight times every day. One day they were work ing together in the kitchen. The mother-in-law was rolling rotis1 and the daughter-in-law was cooking them. The mother-in-law yawned sleepily and said,

      "What a nuisance this yawn is. I've got a feeling
	It portends the death of my daughter-in-law's brother."

	1. A type of unleavened bread.

	The daughter-in-law shook with indignation from head to toe. She also yawned, and said,

	"This yawn is such a nuisance. I've got a feeling
	It portends the death of my father-in-law's brother-in-law."

	The mother-in-law was outraged by this remark, but had to keep her feelings to herself. It was definitely a case of "tit for tat." The mother-in-law had overlooked one of the basic principles of life - always think of the consequences before abusing others - and had to pay for it.

      "This calls for a change in tactics, " thought the mother-inlaw. "I'd better be a little more cunning." The next day she announced , "We're going to make seven hundred varieties of cake today." So the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law went off to the kitchen together to make cakes. They made so many cakes: steamed cake, steamed rice cake, fried cake, juicy-cake, con densed-milk cake, banana cake, cake-to-win-over-your-sister-in-law, cake-to-win-over-your-mother-in-law, and cake whose aroma fills the whole neighbourhood. The crows were standing nearby, waiting hopefully; the kites were looking on greedily from afar; the neighborhood's small children were anxiously waiting; and the old folk of the locality were thinking, "If one or two bowls happen to be thrown in this direction, it won't be such a bad thing."

	There was still enough time to eat before the evening prayer so the mother-in-law served everybody with bowls full of cakes. But not even once did she say, "Daughter-in-law, would you like to taste one or two cakes?" The daughter-in-law realised that the mother-in-law was getting her revenge. Suddenly the mother-in-law left the kitchen. The daughter-in-law seized her opportu nity and greedily stuffed four hot fried cakes into her mouth. Unfortunately the mother-in-law returned as suddenly as she had left, putting the daughter-in-law in a most difficult situation. She couldn't swallow the cakes, nor could she spit them out, nor could she chew them, nor even could she speak. She was really in quite a fix!

      The mother-in-law asked, "Daughter-in-law, why aren't you speaking?" "Mmmm...mmmm...mmmm...mmmm," said the daughter-in-law.

	The mother-in-law asked, "Daughter-in-law, why isn't your mouth moving?" 

	"Mmmm...mmmm...mmmm...mmmm," said the daughter-in-law.

	The mother-in-law asked, "Daughter-in-law, why are your cheeks so swollen?"

	"Mmmm...mmmm...mmmm...mmmmm," said the daughter-in-law.

	The perplexed mother-in-law called an assortment of doctors - homeopaths, allopaths and ayurvedic physicians - but none of them could do anything for her daughter-in-law. A famous pathol ogist carried out an extensive examination, but was unable to diagnose the disease. X-rays were also taken, but didn't help the physicians make a clear diagnosis either.

      The mother-in-law stretched out her legs, hit herself on her forehead, and burst into uncontrollable sobs. "Oh, what's happened to my daughter-in-law?" she wailed. "She's caught a disease that even Shiva can't cure. Oh, poor daughter-in-law! She can't speak any more. Oh, poor daughter-in-law! Her cheeks look like two footballs. Oh, won't anybody come and save my daughter-in-law?"

      An elderly ayurvedic doctor heard the mother-in-law's la ments and felt sorry for her. "I'll try to cure your daughter-in-law," he said. "You won't have to pay me anything."

      The mother-in-law retorted, "What, I won't have to pay you anything. What a humiliating proposal! If you cure my daughterin-law, I'll give you as many juicy cakes as your stomach can hold."

      The ayurvedic doctor went up to the daughter-in-law, and softly whispered,

      "Either spit out the cakes or swallow them down
	Let the trouble go away and the doctor have his pay."

	The daughter-in-law had put up with the discomfort of a mouth stuffed with cake for so long that she wasn't prepared to spit them out. So she swallowed the four cakes--gulp...gulp...gulp...gulp. The daughter-in-law's swollen cheeks deflated, her lips started to move, and she could speak again. Seeing this, the mother-in-law was overcome with joy. "This is what I call real talent!" she exclaimed. "What a good doctor he is! He has brought our daughter-in-law back from the grave." After a short pause she continued, "Oh, reputable doc tor! oh, reputable doctor! Come and eat a giant bowl of cakes." "Cakes!" exclaimed the doctor gleefully. "But why only one giant bowlful? I wouldn't have any objection to eating four. I read in the scriptures that these cakes cure three diseases and increase the appetite."

      That same day the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law made a vow to never eat cakes again for the rest of their lives. The mother-in-law thought, "By now it must be common knowledge that I didn't give my daughter-in-law a single cake to eat. Dear, dear, dear. What must people think of me? I hereby vow that I will never eat another cake for the rest of my life."

      The daughter-in-law thought, "By now it must be common knowledge that I ate cakes secretly. Dear, dear, dear. I hereby vow that I will never eat another cake for the rest of my life." From that day onwards the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law never ate cakes again. They both died a timely death and became fisheating ghosts because they were very greedy. They are now the closest of friends. The daughter-in-law rolls luchis2 and the mother-in-law cooks them.

	2. A type of unleavened bread fried in oil.

	"You are in the prime of youth," says the mother-in-law. "Please eat first." "How could I do that, dear mother," the daughter-in-law replies, "You have become aged, and therefore you should eat first." Then the mother-in-law says, "Daughter-in-law, you are so young, and yet work the whole day and night. It'll do you good to have a stroll in the park." And the daugh ter-in-law replies, "Dear respected mother, even though you have become quite elderly, you continue to stand beside the kitchen stove the whole day. I think it better that you go and get a breath of fresh air in the park."

	And so the ghost in-laws go to the park together every day for a breath of fresh air. The respected ayurvedic doctor, a good man, went to heaven where he now eats bowlful after bowlful of condensed milk cakes.

January 1985
from In the Land of Hat't'ama'la'